http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V08Mt35MSis
It’s sort of hard to sustain a healthy long lasting relationship with another human being, don’t you think? We carry around so much baggage and are more than happy to dump the contents of those bags onto everyone we come into contact with, when in reality we should of tossed that shit out a long time ago. But it’s much easier to hold onto it and use it as an excuse for our behavior instead of owning up to our own actions. And yes, you can be sure I am talking about myself here. I wonder if I somehow lack what it takes to hold onto someone in my life for a very long time. Am I consistently pushing people away with my bullshit and if so how can I change to keep the right people around and give them back as much as I take?
Sigmund Freud proclaimed “sexual desire as the primary motivational energy of human life”. And if you think about it, stepping back and really looking at that statement in a not so literal way, replacing the phrase “sexual desire” with perhaps “the desire to be needed”, can’t you see more clearly what it is that motivates you to act and think the way you do? That deeply embedded urge to be loved and accepted, I truly believe that yes, this is the fuel that drives and molds us as people. And of course there are tons of other factors that play into the very complicated matter of human interaction but I can’t wrap my head around them anymore. I’d just like to resign myself to the simple notion that if I accept the faults and imperfections in someone only then can I truly learn to appreciate the good in them and give them what they need, what they deserve.
I am creature of emotion. I experience the highest of highs and the lowest of the lows. Sometimes if I’m lucky, I can find that balance in the middle, the quiet calm without worry. Yet without fail I somehow end up disrupting the balance with my baggage, with my endless doubts and fears. Recently I’ve found a means to get that calm so now I think constantly how I can hold onto it, how to infuse it with permanence. It is becoming the most important thing I can think to do, the closest thing to magic that I have made. It is my motivation and my inspiration to be here tomorrow better than I was yesterday. And I realize now instead of focusing so much energy on how to keep it around, I should just enjoy it and let it be what it will be.
