Gina Marr

It’s 2:24 am here in good ol jersey. I’ve been drawing for 3 weeks straight trying to finish all of the pieces for my upcoming show. I’m tired and confused and stressed out. I think it may be the fact that on top of all things I am moving and my house is in complete disarray. I have to pack and throw things away and figure out what I want to bring into my new living situation. Going through your personal belongings that have been sitting for 2 and a half years, figuring out what means something anymore, it’s stressful, its mind straining. I have been through a lot these past 2 months: things I won’t really get into here, because the internet is no place for them but yeah shit has been crazy. pretty much yeah. I try to be the strongest person I possibly can, and live out the life that this universe has put forward for me. I know that I am the creator of my own destiny and that this life that unfolds before me on a daily basis is the deliberate creation of my mind. But sometimes I wonder, why do I make things so hard for myself? Why do I create situations that are full of strife and struggle?

Am I testing myself? Am I trying to see if I will fail miserably under the pressure? I am not sure. I ask myself every morning when I wake up, what can I do differently today? But I always seem to fall short of what is needed to make a change. I want to believe so badly that this life is a beautiful blessing, that I am here for a reason, to use the unlimited power I was born with for some greater good … but the current world in which I live in just seems to beat that idea down to ground. I can’t give up, it’s not in me anymore to do something so foolish. For a very long time, I didn’t have faith in myself, I did not know what my purpose on this planet was .. but I am slowly coming to understand what I have to do, what I have to say and what I have to feel in my heart to make things happen for myself.

Honestly, I am little bothered by the fact that not many people who I thought would support me, especially in my art, have not shown a real interest in it. I’m not saying that people haven’t supported me, but those who I consider close to me, don’t seem to care about it. Maybe I am being my usual worrisome self. But when people I haven’t talked to in years are asking me about it and you’re not … well that just makes me feel a certain way.

I know I have so much to do, and endless list of things that have to done. It never ends. I am up for the challenge I guess. It’s that or give up and I’m certainly not ready to do that.

If you are in the NJ/NYC area, please come support and join me in downtown Jersey City on Friday June 6th: