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I want it all. I want the creative glory I experience through the moments of my deepest misery, for the brilliance I once spun when my mind was it’s most troubled, when I was always just one drink away from being an everyday nothing-to-lose loud mouth drunk falling all over myself but still somehow elegant when it came time to mold rough thoughts into reality. I want the elegance again but wonder if I can get it back when everyday I am starting to shift towards happiness and light and laughter deep from within my stomach, jaw hurting rib stretching laughter. Can I have both? Are the troubled sad ones more creative? I don’t know if this is fact anymore. I can find a way … no no I must find a way to make beautiful things without a drop of sorrow running through my veins and it’s true I’ve always been a sad person by nature with most of it welled up in and around my eyes. I always wondered where that comes from? From genes? From experiences? Regardless, it’s time for that chapter to come to an end. I’m turning the page and pulling down the stars from the sky and realizing that I was born to create, all of us really are, don’t you think? I was also born to be happy, to touch another with my smile creating subtle vibrations, making strong suggestions … illuminating the dark spots. In the end doing my small but none the less significant part to expand this universe, putting my drops into the ocean we all drink out of. And they will be pure happy bright colored drops.