I still cannot wrap my head around the fact that it is 2009. Could it really be true that all these days have slipped by me? 2008 was a monumental year for me and although I fell short of accomplishing many of the things I had set forth for myself, I grew as a person in ways that simply can’t be put into words. For the past five years of my life I felt that I was always on the verge of greatness, only to be let down by myself for not taking chances, for not having the courage to change. So in 2008 it was the moments that I took chances despite being scared out of my mind, that I am most proud of. Am I anywhere close to the place I feel I need to be? Hardly, but each day is a small victory and I slowly piece myself together.
Have you ever read the work of the French author Anaïs Nin? If not, I highly suggest that you delve into her diaries, each sprinkled with endless inspiration and wisdom. She writes from the very core of her heart with passion and clarity. In fact it was the following poem that inspired me to write this post:
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anaïs Nin
This simple yet profound sentence perfectly sums up how I have been feeling the past year. Struggling with the fact that as an artist I am just not where I want to be. It is truly painful to be blocked, to watch the days go by without creating anything, for the ideas and images in my head to have no home and eventually fall away from me. But within the past month, I have had a creative rebirth, the artist in me wanting so badly to be born again, experience life all over with new perspective, new hopes and dreams. The world is going to shit, but I am surrounded by friends, family and a love that gives me life, a hope that everything will be ok. All of my life I have just wanted to create and inspire others and it is this burning desire to spread beauty and love in the world that is the very reason I wake up every morning. Creativity is the creator’s will for me. These words have never rung truer than this very day.
I wish all of you a year of life changing moments, passionate, extraordinary, delicious moments that can’t ever be forgot. All you have to do is take those chances, leap off that cliff and realize when you live with unshakeable courage there will always be arms there to catch you. I leave you with yet another quote by the great Anaïs Nin, one that I have taped up on the wall in front of my desk reminding me always to not live this life on default:
I will not be just a tourist in the world of images, just watching images passing by which I cannot live in, make love to, possess as permanent sources of joy and ecstasy. - Anaïs Nin
Lots of love <3 GM