pulling down the stars from the sky
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I want it all. I want the creative glory I experience through the moments of my deepest misery, for the brilliance I once spun when my mind was it’s most troubled, when I was always just one drink away from being an everyday nothing-to-lose loud mouth drunk falling all over myself but still somehow elegant when it came time to mold rough thoughts into reality. I want the elegance again but wonder if I can get it back when everyday I am starting to shift towards happiness and light and laughter deep from within my stomach, jaw hurting rib stretching laughter. Can I have both? Are the troubled sad ones more creative? I don’t know if this is fact anymore. I can find a way … no no I must find a way to make beautiful things without a drop of sorrow running through my veins and it’s true I’ve always been a sad person by nature with most of it welled up in and around my eyes. I always wondered where that comes from? From genes? From experiences? Regardless, it’s time for that chapter to come to an end. I’m turning the page and pulling down the stars from the sky and realizing that I was born to create, all of us really are, don’t you think? I was also born to be happy, to touch another with my smile creating subtle vibrations, making strong suggestions … illuminating the dark spots. In the end doing my small but none the less significant part to expand this universe, putting my drops into the ocean we all drink out of. And they will be pure happy bright colored drops.
you can use my skin to bury secrets in
I promise I will be good and true, that I will never sigh again and if I must, only when it is a sigh of great joy and fullness and content. I will draw you a picture of the inside of me. Because the words I need just haven’t been thought of yet. I won’t say those things that I have before. I want to be good to you. Can you possibly promise me that you will look at me like I am the first flower of spring, like I am a line you just read that knocked you down and you have to repeat it over to make sure you just read me correctly? And tell me that no one else can knock you down that way? That I will wake up and you will still be there. It isn’t all madness and I’m just a girl with too many thoughts in her brain. So many firsts with you, I refuse to have any lasts.
reasons to leave, reasons to stay
Do you ever get the urge to get up and go? To purge your life of all that is unnecessary, those things that are dragging you down with their overwhelming weight. And even the silence has this burden, a heavyiness that sits ontop of your everything, keeping you from reaching whatever might be next. So sometimes it seems like the only thing a person can do is start all over, cut all ties and set up shop in a new place with new faces and only then does the thought return to your heart that the word “impossible” means nothing and you are going to make it. So I say just go and bring only what is purely good and usually that means you are traveling with very little. But you can make more good and you can build something new without the help of others if need be.
